The really long version- Hopefully it doesn't come off to whiny, I do know how very lucky I am. On Tuesday morning my OB sent me to labor and delivery to have things checked and see if I was in labor. I called Two Fish and my parents. My Dad took Red Fish and my Mom and Two Fish took me to the hospital. They sent me home after a few hours. I was pretty bummed. I thought the baby was coming really soon. So we went home, ate dinner, and went on a really long walk with the dogs. Then I bounced on my exercise ball for almost and hour. Two Fish put Red Fish to bed at 8:30 and nothing was happening. 9:30 rolled around and everything went zero to ninety in what felt like seconds. I'd been having small pressure waves for weeks and I was really expecting things to just kind of gradually start building. I thought the contractions would just start getting stronger and closer together so I would have time to get used to it and concentrate. It didn't happen that way at all. My contractions started really strong and were immediately less than 5 minutes apart. I listened to a couple of my CDs and tried to get into the right mindset. I did my hypnobabies techniques and was able to breathe through the contractions in a way that made things much more comfortable. It was really hard to concentrate and I was pretty much shaking uncontrollably the whole time. (I hear that's pretty common. I pretty much shook until about 4 hours after she was born.)
Just after midnight we called my parents and told them to come over. Two Fish put our stuff in the car (still all packed from that afternoon.) We got to the hospital at just after 1 and my contractions had been two minutes apart for most of an hour. When they checked me they could feel the head and I seemed to be progressing really well. I made it about 9 and half hours with the hypnobabies techniques. When there started be a need for some medical intervention I requested an epidural. It was too hard to concentrate when the stress level in the room was rising and I was exhausted already. I really hated having everyone poking at me.
Really the epidural was lovely. I took a nap. I was able to relax even as every last shred of my modesty was stripped away. The anesthesiologist did a great job and already having it in when I went to the operating room really saved us time in the end.
We had this really detailed birth plan (or rather our ideal birthing scenario) but it sort of turned out to be our reverse plan. We ended up needed every single intervention on our list of things to avoid. It was almost funny after awhile. We could just check everything off the list. Mostly I didn't want the interventions unnecessarily. The doctors were really respectful of our wishes but when it came down to it you just do whatever you can to get that baby out safely.
On the monitors we could see that every time I had a big contraction the baby's heart rate would drop. At first it wasn't a big deal because it was just a quick drop and then pick right up again. They had me roll from side to side and try different positions in case she was leaning on her cord. Then she had a really huge drop (from 150 to 60) and all the sudden everyone was running around the room and I got a shot to stop the contractions. This was our first sign that anything might really be wrong. My contractions started again on their own and New Fish was making her way down. Then the drops in her heart rate started again and she was having a harder and harder time recovering. We decided to try and speed up the process by having my water broken. When they broke my water there was a lot of meconium and signs that the baby was in distress rather than just being stressed. They replaced the fluid with clean fluid to try and give the cord some cushioning and flush out contaminates. They put a heart rate monitor on the baby's head to try and monitor her more closely. We had several doctors checking on us and the room was getting quieter as everyone sat and watched monitors. After awhile I pretty much had every cord and tube they have connected to me. My contractions had to be stopped again and it seemed like the baby was really struggling. The placenta didn't seem to be supporting her anymore. With every contraction (they kept starting back up) the baby seemed to get weaker and have a harder time recovering. They could feel the baby's head and she was getting closer but it just didn't seem to be happening soon enough. They couldn't give me pitocin to speed up the labor because the baby and the placenta were too fragile.
I pretty much knew from all the whispering and the serious expression on the nurses and doctor's faces that we were headed to surgery. When the baby's heart rate dropped to next to nothing it was pretty much "sign this" and we were running down the hall (obviously I was being pushed in my bed.) I spent so much time in my classes discussing how birth is not an emergency and it isn't like the movies but when everyone started running (although they were very calm thankfully) it really did feel that way. It was scary to see everyone running and setting everything up. Nobody had time to talk to me (because they were concentrating on baby as they should be) so my anesthesiologist pretty much talked me through everything. The baby was out within minutes of me signing the release. Two Fish was brought in right as they started the procedure and he held my hand the whole time. When they brought New Fish out she was gray and not breathing. She recovered quickly though and Two Fish was able to hold her. I don't do well with pretty much any kind of drugs so I was totally out of it as soon as she was born. I really wanted to hold her but I couldn't seem to make my arms work. I only kind of remember seeing her. I did know she was safe though. It took me about four hours to shake off the drugs (and stop smacking myself in the face on accident) before I was able to hold her and really look at her.
They think the placenta just failed for some reason and she wasn't getting oxygen. The doctors told me that if we had waited even minutes longer they don't think she would have made it. We have two friends (due within weeks of us) who lost their babies this week. One was a very similar situation. We are overwhelmed with gratitude that we have our sweet baby with us. Life is so fragile and childbirth is a miracle every time. My doctor told me to not feel like I missed out on any of a normal childbirth because I did most of the work of one (I'm not so sure that's a great thing but maybe I will see things differently later.) and now I get to heal from both. I'm not thrilled about the c-section but I am grateful for modern medicine and doctors who took care of us.
We had this really detailed birth plan (or rather our ideal birthing scenario) but it sort of turned out to be our reverse plan. We ended up needed every single intervention on our list of things to avoid. It was almost funny after awhile. We could just check everything off the list. Mostly I didn't want the interventions unnecessarily. The doctors were really respectful of our wishes but when it came down to it you just do whatever you can to get that baby out safely.
On the monitors we could see that every time I had a big contraction the baby's heart rate would drop. At first it wasn't a big deal because it was just a quick drop and then pick right up again. They had me roll from side to side and try different positions in case she was leaning on her cord. Then she had a really huge drop (from 150 to 60) and all the sudden everyone was running around the room and I got a shot to stop the contractions. This was our first sign that anything might really be wrong. My contractions started again on their own and New Fish was making her way down. Then the drops in her heart rate started again and she was having a harder and harder time recovering. We decided to try and speed up the process by having my water broken. When they broke my water there was a lot of meconium and signs that the baby was in distress rather than just being stressed. They replaced the fluid with clean fluid to try and give the cord some cushioning and flush out contaminates. They put a heart rate monitor on the baby's head to try and monitor her more closely. We had several doctors checking on us and the room was getting quieter as everyone sat and watched monitors. After awhile I pretty much had every cord and tube they have connected to me. My contractions had to be stopped again and it seemed like the baby was really struggling. The placenta didn't seem to be supporting her anymore. With every contraction (they kept starting back up) the baby seemed to get weaker and have a harder time recovering. They could feel the baby's head and she was getting closer but it just didn't seem to be happening soon enough. They couldn't give me pitocin to speed up the labor because the baby and the placenta were too fragile.
I pretty much knew from all the whispering and the serious expression on the nurses and doctor's faces that we were headed to surgery. When the baby's heart rate dropped to next to nothing it was pretty much "sign this" and we were running down the hall (obviously I was being pushed in my bed.) I spent so much time in my classes discussing how birth is not an emergency and it isn't like the movies but when everyone started running (although they were very calm thankfully) it really did feel that way. It was scary to see everyone running and setting everything up. Nobody had time to talk to me (because they were concentrating on baby as they should be) so my anesthesiologist pretty much talked me through everything. The baby was out within minutes of me signing the release. Two Fish was brought in right as they started the procedure and he held my hand the whole time. When they brought New Fish out she was gray and not breathing. She recovered quickly though and Two Fish was able to hold her. I don't do well with pretty much any kind of drugs so I was totally out of it as soon as she was born. I really wanted to hold her but I couldn't seem to make my arms work. I only kind of remember seeing her. I did know she was safe though. It took me about four hours to shake off the drugs (and stop smacking myself in the face on accident) before I was able to hold her and really look at her.
They think the placenta just failed for some reason and she wasn't getting oxygen. The doctors told me that if we had waited even minutes longer they don't think she would have made it. We have two friends (due within weeks of us) who lost their babies this week. One was a very similar situation. We are overwhelmed with gratitude that we have our sweet baby with us. Life is so fragile and childbirth is a miracle every time. My doctor told me to not feel like I missed out on any of a normal childbirth because I did most of the work of one (I'm not so sure that's a great thing but maybe I will see things differently later.) and now I get to heal from both. I'm not thrilled about the c-section but I am grateful for modern medicine and doctors who took care of us.
One of the reasons I had decided to go natural was that I really wanted to be clear headed when the baby arrived so I could hold her immediately and begin that bonding. I really wanted to be very present for that moment. I'm disappointed that I missed out on that. I wanted New Fish to room in with me and be able to care for her. I had this beautiful image of Two Fish staying in the hospital with me overnight and the two of us caring for her. In reality she has had to be in the nursery a lot because it's too tiring to take care of her by myself. Everyday I got to have her with me (except when I nap) but the nights were too hard. Two Fish was at the hospital as much as possible but needed to work Thursday and Friday so he could take care of us when we came home. I had wanted him to stay that first night but the I couldn't bear the thought of my poor exhausted husband sleeping in this lame chair they left for him. (Seriously why can't they have something better for the poor daddies?)
New Fish is pretty small so she's had a hard time keeping her temperature up. We thought she was headed to the nicu several times and we didn't think she'd be able to come home with us. She's apparently inherited the stubborn streak from both her father and I though because she is tough. She's fighting it out. We have to make sure she wears a onsie, outfit, blankie, and hat at all times. (This is a little hard because Red Fish hates for New Fish to wear a hat. She likes to rub her little head so she is always stealing the hat.)
New Fish is pretty small so she's had a hard time keeping her temperature up. We thought she was headed to the nicu several times and we didn't think she'd be able to come home with us. She's apparently inherited the stubborn streak from both her father and I though because she is tough. She's fighting it out. We have to make sure she wears a onsie, outfit, blankie, and hat at all times. (This is a little hard because Red Fish hates for New Fish to wear a hat. She likes to rub her little head so she is always stealing the hat.)
I'm worried about taking care of Red Fish over the next six weeks that I'm not allowed to lift anything over 10 pounds. How do you take care of a one year old that way? She keeps wanting me to pick her up and help her with things and doesn't understand when I can't. It's overwhelming. I'm really lucky to have a lot of nice family around to help me. Every time I hold my girls I know it's going to be okay and I won't feel like this forever. I know a lot of people do this all the time.
I've been pretty hormonal and emotional. My Dad was the first person to come to the hospital after I'd been there overnight and I pretty much just burst into tears because I hadn't seen the baby yet and I was so happy to see my Dad. I think I scared him a little. I think I cried every time Two Fish had to leave the hospital. Now that I'm home I'm feeling better. I like being with my husband and my girls. We've had a lot of family visit us which has been great. We are feeling extra loved.
Mostly the bottom line is this. I am the lucky lucky mom of two beautiful girls. We are all healthy and doing well. I am so incredibly blessed to have these beautiful spirits entrusted to my care. Every time I hold little New Fish I am blown away by what a miracle and a gift she is. I'm counting my blessings over and over.
I've been pretty hormonal and emotional. My Dad was the first person to come to the hospital after I'd been there overnight and I pretty much just burst into tears because I hadn't seen the baby yet and I was so happy to see my Dad. I think I scared him a little. I think I cried every time Two Fish had to leave the hospital. Now that I'm home I'm feeling better. I like being with my husband and my girls. We've had a lot of family visit us which has been great. We are feeling extra loved.
Mostly the bottom line is this. I am the lucky lucky mom of two beautiful girls. We are all healthy and doing well. I am so incredibly blessed to have these beautiful spirits entrusted to my care. Every time I hold little New Fish I am blown away by what a miracle and a gift she is. I'm counting my blessings over and over.
My thoughts on Hypnobabies-
It was great. It taught me relaxation techniques that I can totally use in everyday life. I've always been a bit of a stressball and at the beginning of my pregnancy I was really kind of freaking out. I couldn't stop obsessing with something being wrong with the baby. For example, I had to go buy syringes for my heprin shots and I could either buy a pack of 7 and come back (which would be really inconvenient because not every pharmacy has heprin and I had to do two shots a day) or I could buy the big box of 100 that would last me a month. There was no in between. I had this huge crisis whether I should spend $35 on the box of 100 or just wait and see if this pregnancy would stick. It was this massive dilemma for me. It took a huge leap of faith to buy the big box. My OB told me I really needed to find a way to relax or I was going to hurt the baby. So that's why I decided to take Hypnobabies. I had no interest in natural childbirth (although I'm really trying to be more open to new ideas.)
The class totally changed my perspective. I did decide that natural child birth was my plan A. It's kind of an intense class. There are CDs you listen to daily, scripts you read with your husband, and 6 weeks of three hour classes. I got a lot of great information and felt really prepared for birth. It took away a lot of my fears.
The best part of this class was probably the support of my husband. Having him spend so much time practicing with me and reading me scripts and helping me prepare for birth was amazing. He really put a lot of effort into our preparations and that made me feel so incredibly loved and supported. I never felt alone in the pregnancy or like "I'm carrying this baby for nine months and what the heck do you have to do?" (Sometimes I did want to say that just because I was cranky and feeling sorry for myself.) I think the class really helped prepare Two Fish for the birthing experience. He was great during the whole labor and delivery. He did everything I could have wanted him to and knew exactly what to say and do to help me relax. He was really calm even when things got intense. (And no I never screamed "You did this to me!" like they do on tv.)
Could I have made it through birth natural? I think the techniques worked well right up until I need some interventions. I don't think I could personally have handled them without the epidural. Just too many people poking at me. I did really love the classes though and they did a lot for us.
Could I have made it through birth natural? I think the techniques worked well right up until I need some interventions. I don't think I could personally have handled them without the epidural. Just too many people poking at me. I did really love the classes though and they did a lot for us.
10 comments:
A friend adopted and always hated baby showers where everyone talked about their birth experiences. She said it was like people discussing a trip to Egypt. Since she'd adopted, she'd never been to Egypt. She'd been somewhere else and had stories to tell too. Just think, you've been to Egypt AND another place! I am so excited that your pregnancy went so well and that you and your baby are HERE and healthy. Can you believe it?!
One c-section tip. Feed the baby on the couch or a big rocking chair. Then set the baby down, stand, and pick her up from standing, so you don't have to stand while you are holding her. You are a champ Mama!
Thanks for posting this. I was curious about everything. I can relate to the shakes. They were crazy! I can also relate to the healing from both. I labored and pushed with Sophia before a c-section. It pretty much was not fun. I'm there with you on the hormones and emotions too. Isn't having a baby just so glamorous!? Good luck with not picking up anything more than 10 lbs. I've just tried to sit next to my kids when they play or read books or something. Sometimes it's unavoidable though and from what I've heard, it's pretty difficult to rip anything (gross, I know). Hang in there and good luck with the recovery! Rest as much as you can! Again, congrats! She truly is beautiful!
I'm so glad you all are ok. I can relate with you on so many levels. I had complications with both my girls. I don't know how ANY mother and baby lived through child birth in the pioneer days. Thank goodness for the time we live in. I totally agree with you that daddy's need a comfy place to sleep in the hospital! Recovery is so hard, especially with C-section. I'm glad you have family and friends to help you out. Let me know if you need anything ok?! :)
Isnt labor just glorious and full of surprises!?! From my experience I will say that the shakiness was a surprise, the epidural was so nice, and leaving the hospital to the privacy of my house was wonderful. Ive never made a birth plan for either of my pregnancies simply because anything can happen with high risk pregnancy. But I guess if the end result is a healthy baby, then any labor process should be considered a success. Your little girl is so cute. Im glad you guys both pulled through despite all the bumps along the way. The emotions of everything will become more stable, just give it some time.
Wow no fun for you. I am so glad that she is here and safe. Pretty much there is no way around not lifting for 6 weeks when you have other children. A girl has got to do what a girl has got to do. The good thing about c-sections is that after one you know what to expect if you were to have another, so it is a lot easier the next time, I think. Let me know if you want me to come over and lift your laundry baskets. hehehe We want to come and see you soon but we will wait until you feel like having us over.
I'm glad that you're all home and doing well. It must have been scary but it's great what modern medicine can do!
Wow, what a crazy day/night. You made me teary a few times in there. I'm so glad everything ended well, although the getting there wasn't so good. I'm looking forward to seeing her!
I am so happy for you and your new addition. I am glad you were able to use the hypnobabies for so long. I only had 7 or less hours of active labor with Leo and boy did that get intense! I am glad Two Fish was able to be so calm during even the scary parts..I think the classes helped Gary in that way even more than me. It really is helpful to have your spouse be there and calm for you. I am sorry for the things you had to experience that you had not planned on..I can imagine how scary that could be. I am happy that you had a compotent doctor and that they acted when they needed to. Your new daughter is beautiful!
What a story! I'm so glad everything ended well and I'm wishing we could come spend a couple of days and help you!!!
Sounds like a hard time, I'm sorry! Your baby is super adorable though and I'm so glad she's healthy.
You mentioned that you wanted to be clear-headed and able to focus after having the baby. I know everyone's experience is different, but it was hard for me not getting an epidural because I was getting stitches that I could TOTALLY feel while I held my baby for the first time. I was also lightheaded from blood loss. It was pretty hard to focus even being unmedicated. The important thing is that you have plenty of time to bond later on.
Also, when doing Hypnobabies, you become convinced that childbirth is going to be so painless that an epidural would be ridiculous. After going through it, I must say that I completely understand why so many women get epidurals. You did great Kerstin and you're an amazing woman!
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