Tweak by Nic Sheff

I wasn't sure I wanted to read this but I felt like I needed the other side of the story after reading Beautiful Boy.  This book is a hard one to review.  The language is horrible and the subject matter is beyond disturbing.  It is raw and candid and I suppose that a book about serious drug addiction should be horrible.  It should be shocking and Tweak is a traumatizing read.  The Chicago tribune called it "difficult to read but impossible to put down."  I wouldn't go quite that far but it does give a clear window into the mind of a drug addict. Nic Sheff is extremely transparent and open to sharing the horrors of his path to drug addiction.  He doesn't try and excuse the choices he makes or blame them on a less than ideal childhood.  His childhood does sound terrible but he seems almost numb to that.  The book starts in his early twenties when he is already four years in to a serious drug addiction and follows him through two relapses.  It is ugly and haunting.

Nic's obsession with fame and acceptance is almost more disturbing than his addiction to drugs.  His unhealthy relationships made me shudder. I'm glad he doesn't go into extreme detail about his life in New York or his days of prostitution because that would have been too much for me.  My heart ached for the people around Nic who are constantly trying to help him and lift him up.  When Nic talks about killing himself by using until he is dead it is heartbreaking.  The pain of reaching out to someone who seems intent on killing themselves seems unbearable but his family continues to reach out to him.  Nic describes his efforts to make amends like "trying to put a band-aid on shot gun wound."

This book has given me a lot to think about.  I'm not sorry I read it, but I will not be reading Sheff's second book.  One window into his mind was enough.