Nurture Shock: New Thinking about Children

by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman

Supposedly the latest and greatest parenting book out there. It's sort of like Outliers but focused on parenting. Two journalists gathered the latest studies relating to raising/teaching children. It isn't really a "how to" book but it has a lot of fascinating ideas and it really made me think about things I can do better. (Something I love in any book.) Here are specific things I thought were interesting arranged by chapter.
1. The Inverse Power of Praise - Compliments must be sincere and specific. I've definitely noticed that when I'm working hard with Red Fish on her speech it has been very important that I compliment how hard she is working rather than just say flat things like: "that was great." If I say "good trying" or "wow you worked really hard to learn that she works even harder to tackle the next exercise. Also as an artist I find it irritating when people just say "Beautiful!" to everything. Not everything is even trying to be beautiful. It's something I'm working on with my kids- I'm trying to say things that are specific like "look at that great texture" or "what interesting lines."

2. The Lost Hour - basically that on average, kids are getting one less hour of sleep now than they did when I was a kid. This causes huge problems academically and behaviorally. Since I am completely non-functional without enough sleep this was pretty obvious to me.

3. Why White Parents Don't Talk About Race - gave me some interesting ideas about creating awareness of race and culture with my kids instead of ignoring it and thinking that creates tolerance.

4-6 were interesting but I have no deep thoughts on them.

7. The Science of Teen Rebellion - had some interesting studies on how arguments between kids and their parents actually indicated a better relationship. Basically it encouraged me to set rules, expect a lot from my kids and be involved. This chapter might do more for me when I get closer to parenting a teenager.

8. Can Self Control Be Taught -This chapter was fascinating. It discusses some new preschool programs (tools of the mind) and how important supporting extended dramatic play is and the importance of planning with kids. I've been giving a lot of thought about how I can teach my kids to plan and follow through. I'm considering getting pictures of everything we do in a normal week and having them velcro them onto a board to plan the next part of our day. For example having pictures to represent brushing teeth, reading stories, putting on jammies etc for a bedtime routine so they've planned it. It might take some of the stress out of some our routines if they feel that control and commitment.

9. Plays Well With Others - All TV watching creates violence and studies suggest (disturbingly) that "educational" tv might cause more relational violence than regular tv. I liked the comments on children needing to learn more conflict resolution. It made complete sense to me.

10. Why Hannah Talks and Alyssa Doesn't - had some interesting things to say about how the interactions of mothers with their kids contribute to their speech development. It also totally reams Baby Einsteins DVDs. I've got to say I didn't really love this chapter but it might just be too sensitive of a subject for me. No matter how hard I work with Red Fish on speech I always have these twinges of guilt that I somehow caused it. I know it isn't true but it still manages to seep in.

11. Conclusion chapter - didn't do much for me.