To Bed

Pretending to sleep in her new bed.

We set a crib up in our house over six years ago, long before Red Fish was born.  I worked on painting the nursery in our old house (same ocean theme as our current house) and we started collecting baby things.  The room and the crib were a symbol that we were officially "waiting on/expecting" our baby.  We were on the adoption waiting list after a few years of disappointments.  The crib was a symbol of our faith that our baby was finally on her way somehow or some way.  So there are a lot of emotions tied to the crib.  The idea of taking it down and not knowing for sure if it will ever go up again has caused a lot of tears over the past month.

We had a twin mattress that was previously Red Fish's but I delayed getting it out because I didn't want to the take the crib down.  When New Fish started jumping out of the crib, we took the side off and turned it into a toddler bed.  New Fish was thrilled with this arrangement at first but recently her entourage of stuffed animals and books was overflowing the bed and she was frustrated.  New Fish went on a serious strike.  She was sleeping on the floor because she absolutely refused to "sleep in that stupid baby bed" anymore.  So I gave in.  I presented the bed with great fanfare and New Fish screamed "I love it, I love it, I love it!" She was thrilled and her excitement took most of the sting out of the experience for me. 

Sometimes I can concentrate on how blessed I am to have two miracles and sometimes I feel the ache of not knowing for sure if there is another in our future.  I know there are a lot of you out there who can relate to that feeling.  I run the gamut of emotions between the possibilities.  Just knowing for sure would be nice but patience and faith must really need to be drilled into my brain.

Will the crib be set back up in our home?  I guess time will tell.  For now, there is a very happy two year old who is thrilled to be moving on to the next milestone and I'm overjoyed to be on the journey with her.