Musings of a mother/scuba instructor/graphic designer/musical entrepreneur. Totally in love with my husband (Two Fish) of ten years. We have two beautiful daughters (Red Fish and New Fish) and a nutty dog (Blue Fish) who help make our family complete and completely happy. W have learned to expect the unexpected and are always up for an adventure.
I am enthusiastic about living and learning. I love people who make me laugh. I have an ironic appreciation for the unique and absurd. I am an enthusiastic and untalented tap dancer with a love for new Christmas ornaments,art, the outdoors,the water, music, good books, skiing, and travel. My greatest calling in life is to be a Mom. I LOVE it!
Red Fish is very into dancing (I've been trying to get it on tape but haven't succeeded) and she can wiggle her hips like you wouldn't believe. She also spins in a circle until she falls down. Yesterday morning I was playing some music for her and she was dancing. I got up and danced with her and then Two Fish came and joined in. These are my favorite moments. The three of us dancing in our pajamas on a Saturday to silly music and laughing hysterically. It doesn't get any better than that.
Lately Red Fish has gotten big into sorting and organizing. She will spend hours stacking my art magazines in different piles in the living room or sorting the laundry (I'm big into sorting laundry into specific loads so she probably got that from me.) Her piles are serious business and you do not touch them if you know what's good for you. You would hate to mess with her system. Tonight she has been playing with her spoons. First for an hour before bed. Then she woke up after she had been in bed for an hour (we are going through a difficult sleeping phase) and insisted on coming downstairs to sit at the kitchen table and sort her spoons.
I brought out her spoon collection because my parents had brought her a few new ones. My parents travel a lot and every time they go someplace new they bring Red Fish a spoon. She has seventeen so far. I keep them in a little box and tonight she has been taking each one out and examining it. Then she puts them on the table in a pile. When they are all out of the box she replaces them one by one and then starts again. I'm beginning to think I should send her to bed with a box full of spoons! Spoons may be the answer to getting her back on track with her sleep schedule.
Well here it is- my little bump and my first pair of maternity pants. I only really need the maternity pants because the biggest part of my tummy is right where my pants are supposed to button. I've felt like my pants were strangling me for about four weeks. I don't believe in crack baring low-rise pants (although now that I've seen my maternity options I may rethink my stance) so I've resorted to sweat pants or a belly band. I've got to say though, it was nice to have pants that fit today. Everyone keeps telling me it's a very fashionable time to be pregnant but from what I've seen the options are either really ugly, really expensive, or both. I do like the long t-shirts from down east ($10).
I went to the doctor again today and they couldn't find the heartbeat with the Doppler again. I had another ultrasound and everything is still looking good. I was nervous because I stopped my twice daily injections and hormones at 14 weeks as instructed. It was nice to know everything is going well in there. Red Fish was very impressed with the ultrasound this time because the baby was wiggling like crazy and she thought it was really funny.
This week my dog has been driving me insane. I have a hypersensitive dog and when I'm stressed, he is stressed. When there are changes in our house, he acts up. He steals, he chews on things, and he acts like a maniac. I'm already stressed from being pregnant and stopping several medications this week. Red Fish is frustrated with me because she is trying to talk to me and I can't understand all she wants to say. I'm frustrated because she screams. It's stressful. The dog was pushing me over the edge today.
Then tonight Blue Fish and Red Fish were sitting together on the floor and Red Fish was talking his ear off. Jabbering away in between kisses and hugs. She patted him and head butted him and he would give her a periodic lick in response. Red Fish tells her dog everything she can't tell me right now. He hears her and there is no frustration. Blue Fish is Red Fish's sibling. Her playmate, her confidant. This is why I have a dog. I need moments like this to remind me. His place in our family is important.
I have distinct memories of sitting in my backyard as young as three with my dog Beethoven and telling him everything that I cared about. Telling her she was my best friend in the whole world. There is nothing better than a dog raised with babies. A dog that is a part of the fabric of your childhood. That's what I'm working for. I want Red Fish to have what I had.
And let's face it grown ups sometimes need a little puppy love. Blue Fish was my baby when I needed a baby badly. He was a comfort during some of the deepest losses of my life. No matter how many times he drives me insane and I lose my temper, he loves me unconditionally. And at the end of the day he is a member of our family.
So deep breaths. I bought him some new bones to chew on. It's hard but it's worth it. I love that stupid dog.
Before my adoption experience I knew adoption was a wonderful thing but there were still a lot of things I didn't understand. Lately there have been a lot of great articles on adoption that might answer some questions you might have or help dispel some of the myths you might have heard.
Well as most people who read this blog probably know, I'm pregnant. It feels strange to even type that and put it out there. It's something I kind of thought I would never announce.
So far it's been a pretty huge roller coaster of emotion. I'm so grateful to be pregnant and for the prospect of a child coming into our family. I feel like I've been at battle for a long time (I know everybody doesn't think it sounds like a long time but trust me- it's a long time) trying to get our kids here. I've felt the pressure of feeling like my kids were on their way and sometimes driven myself crazy trying to figure out what's our next move to try and get them here. We were so lucky to have Red Fish come into our family the way she did. I've finally come to the point where I've just stopped trying to figure out my next move is. I've finally learned (after having it beat into my head seven times) that it isn't up to me. I have to put it in the Lord's hands and concentrate on how lucky and blessed I am.
It's been scary because this isn't my first pregnancy and it's been hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that we might actually have a baby by giving birth. So far it's been lucky #7. I've been afraid to dig out my pregnancy books because there are too many bad associations with them. I've packed them up too many times. Every little cramp or weird feeling sends me to the verge of panic. My very kind doctor has me come every one or two weeks and the sound of that heartbeat (yes the first baby heartbeat I've ever heard) fills me with such relief I can hardly explain it.
Yesterday, I went to the doctor and they spent 15 minutes searching for the heartbeat with no luck. Part of me was on the verge of seizure but the bigger part of me knew it was going to be okay this time. This pregnancy has been different right from the start (my first positive home pregnancy test) and I'm finally starting to accept the idea that this whole experience is going to be different.
Here's the best part about what feels like a very long strange journey so far into motherhood. As my OB put it, I now understand in a way that few women probably do what a miracle motherhood is. I don't take it for granted or think it's a given that children will come into my family. I really know what a beautiful, rare, and special gift it is when kids come into your family and how special the different ways they arrive are. Red Fish has been the most amazing gift and I don't think I will ever stop looking at her and be overwhelmed with gratitude and awe that I am her mother. So maybe that's the best lesson in all of this. At the end of even the hardest day I will look at my kids and really know how special they really are and maybe I can push myself that much harder to deserve such beautiful gifts.
My grandmother started a tradition in the early eighties of giving my brothers and I a stuffed bunny every year for Easter. She is still carrying on the tradition. If you have any idea how old I am or my brothers are you can imagine that it has created a mountain of bunnies between the three of us. (About three big garbage sacks full.) Today we brought some (this isn't even all of them) out and let Red Fish dive into the pile. I don't think she even knew what to do with herself. She loved all the little bunnies.
Red fish and I have had some nasty colds the last couple days. Today Red fish found something that has really cheered her up- an old keyboard we were getting rid of. She had a keyboard last year but I got rid of it when she started popping the keys off and trying to eat them. Even when she was too tired to play today she laid on the love sac and pushed the buttons. I'm glad something so simple could make her so happy especially when she hasn't been feeling well.
Unlike most people, I actually love Friday the 13th. I was born on Friday the 13th (not in March though.) I'm learning again and again to expect the unexpected and that things have a way of changing in an instant. So here is to good luck, happy endings, and hopeful futures. The good parts of life have a way of shining through and miracles are always happening.
Lovely L was here for a visit and Red Fish got to meet her new buddy Baby C. Baby C was crying a little when we got there so Red Fish was trying to comfort her and love her. It was really sweet. They are going to be great little friends!
Giving some kisses to baby C. Red Fish is all about babies right now.
Making sure she is as close to the baby as she can get!
My brother J popped the question last night to the lovely A. They are getting married in July. I'm finally getting that little sister I always wanted. Poor J spent many a day dressed up and shoved in a baby doll crib because I didn't have a little sister.
Red Fish saw this headband on the dollar aisle at Target and just had to have it. She's been taking it everywhere with us. It cracks me up how happy it makes her. I don't think she even knows it makes her into a bunny rabbit. I think she just thinks it's pretty.
I've been struggling a bit trying to fulfill my church calling as a nursery worker. It's a big nursery and our ward want a lot of projects accomplished with the kids. They want the kids to have a creative singing time, read a story, have a lesson, have a snack, have a coloring project, and then also do a craft. The craft has seriously been stressing me out. I have struggled with finding a craft that can be done in church clothes with 10 or sometimes more kids 18 months-3 years. I dare not bring anything messy because I fear the repercutions. I tried making shakers with beans in them and it was too hard for most of the kids. Foam stickers are too hard for them to peel themselves and trying to help each kid with every step of a project is tedious for both me and the kids. Thankfully this Sunday I stumbled across the best project ever. I drew a quick picture of a lamb on a paper and photocopied it. Then I put bowls of elmers glue (washable) on the tables and let them stick fuzzy balls and cotton balls in the glue and stick it on their paper. I was shocked with how delighted they were. It was simple enough to dip and stick and all of the kids could do it without help (except for trying to block the youngest from sticking them in their mouths) and they got really into it. The fuzzy balls are big enough that their fingers didn't get too covered in goo. Their papers were soaked and covered and we had to practically pry them away from the craft tables for their parents to come pick them up.
I read about another project that Red Fish and I plan to try this week and I'm really excited about it. It's a glueless collage. you get a piece of contact paper and secure it to the table. Supply the kids with pieces of colored paper, feathers, or whatever and let them stick stuff all over the contact sheet. When they are done just put another piece of contact paper on top to secure their collage. You can outline it in colored electrical tape if you want to make it framed but I probably won't do that for all of the nursery kids. I think if they loved the fuzzy balls they will love having a variety of stuff to stick on a paper.
I guess the real blessing of this calling is it's forcing me to get creative and hopefully it will help me think of some good toddler projects for Red Fish and I to try. Anyone have any brilliant toddler art projects they want to share with me?
I can't even describe the difference a week of walking outside can make. I think the warm weather has arrived just in time. I'm so tired of hibernating and Red Fish, Blue Fish, and I have been taking a walk everyday. Some days have been slightly chilly but still very walkable. We usually make a stop at the neighborhood playground for a quick romp as well. Red Fish has developed a love for the slide and is quickly becoming a regular dare devil. They just need to add some swings! When we took our first little adventure out last week she acted so funny, like the side walk was unsteady and she could not walk on it. The bark underneath the playground was unfathomable. Her shadow kept following her and needed to be poked every couple minutes with a curious finger. This poor child has been missing the outdoors! Blue Fish has been much better behaved as well now that he is guaranteed a nice long jaunt with us. Horray for all of us! Sanity may return.
*** Just because it's funny- currently if you ask Red Fish what a duck, cow, sheep etc. says she will unanimously answer: "Baaaaaaaaa". The only exception is the tiger and lion. They hold a scary claw in front of their face and say: "Baaaaaaa" in a scary voice. It makes me laugh every time.