Love At First Sight- Again

For love stories 1 & 2 see my previous posts.

The short version of our family love story would be-

One Fish met Two Fish and they were best friends.  They fell in love and became a family.  They knew there were kids coming but they never knew when or where or how.  They met Red Fish through the help of angels and it was love at first sight.  They all fell in love and became a family.  Then 22 months later, New Fish was born and it was love at first sight all over again.  We all fell in love and became a family again.  Everyday we love each other a little bit more and it never ends.

That short version can't encompass the details but neither can the long version.

There is something about the way my girls smile at me that melts my heart on a daily basis.  I wonder how they got so cute. I wonder about how I got so lucky. I wonder why I am so blessed to be their Mom.  My girls arrived in different ways but that moment of holding them for the first time was the same.  That first moment of recognition was exactly the same for both children.  That first few days of total wonderment of examining their feet and studying their little face was the same. It didn't matter if we started in a hotel room or a hospital room.  Those feelings of complete awe were the same.  Waking up every day to be with them is a joy.  Even when I get major Mommy burn out, there is something about their earnest little faces that turns it all around and totally melts me. 

I counted down the days to Red Fish's first birthday so that we could start our adoption paper work over.  I was feeling that familiar pressure that another baby was headed our direction.  The adoption paperwork process is a lot of work.  It takes organization and appointments and hours to fill out questionaires and pages of your most personal information. You have interviews about the state of your marriage, a home check to see the state of your house, financial checks, background checks etc.  I barreled through like a woman on a mission and I handed over our check.  My baby was coming.  This was the way to get babies into our family.  We were approved in December of 2008.

Of course, Heavenly Father has a sense of humor and just when I thought I had the plan figured out- he reminded me that I am not the one in control.

Two Fish's whole family had a slumber party at our house for New Years Eve .  I spent the night on the bathroom floor sick as a dog.  That was when I realized I was probably pregnant. This would be pregnancy number seven for me. I bought a home pregnancy test out of habbit, not because I actually expected it to work.  Usually, I had to go to the doctor for a blood test.  When the test was positive I was more than a little shocked.  That should have been my first clue that things were different for once. 

I was afraid to dig out my pregnancy books because there are too many bad associations with them. I had packed them up too many times. Every little cramp or weird feeling sent me to the verge of panic.  I was a total mess. It didn't feel real at all.

The first time I heard New Fish's heartbeat I actually screamed.  It was my first baby heartbeat.  I scared the ultrasound tech to death.  Every single week they would struggle to find her on the doppler and I would always end up with an ultrasound and I would sob when they found the heartbeat.

I started going in for ultrasounds every other week and I had to give myself twice daily injections of heparin.  The first time I had to stick myself I cried and cried.  My Dad called and said that if I couldn't do it in the next five minutes he would come over and do it.  That inspired me to do it because I was afraid of having someone else do it.  Eventually, it wasn't a big deal at all. I threw up at least once almost everyday the entire time I was pregnant.  I thought for sure once I passed the first trimester that it would end.  I thought for sure after she was born it would end but I threw up for three more months.  I remember waving to some of my neighbors after I had just puked in my front yard for the third day in a row.  They probably thought there was something seriously wrong with me or that I was some kind of drunk.

Looking back it was actually a very lovely time. I felt so completely connected to the miracle of motherhood.  There is something humbling and beautiful about truly knowing what a special gift children are.   I felt wrapped up in this giant bubble of love that I would be able to experience two different ways of having a child arrive.  I felt overwhelmed that I was lucky enough to be entrusted with two little spirits.  Red Fish was little and cuddly and still napped, which was great because I was so tired.  It was kind of like life came to a grinding halt and all I could do was concentrate on getting this little life here.  (Well besides attempting to keep the house, work some and take care of my one year old!)  It was exciting and exhausting.

31 weeks