Real

I think I'm finally really starting to feel pregnant. Yes I spent the months puking, got past my fear of needles to give myself twice daily injections, had 8 ultrasounds, gone to ALOT of appointments with my OB etc, etc, but none of that made it feel totally real. I've still woken up in a cold sweat convinced something is wrong. I've still had a hard time imagining getting to the finish line and actually coming home with a baby. It's been an adjustment just coming to the realization that this pregnancy is different than my previous ones. I had built this wall inside myself after all the miscarriages and it's been really hard to take it down.

I'm starting a hypnobabies class in a few weeks. I've been listening to the first CD religiously hoping to relieve some of my stress. To be honest I don't always buy into natural remedies but I do believe in the power of positive thinking and my mind's ability to change things especially in my own body. I decided to try the class because I figured anything positive would be a good thing for me and my stress levels. Good birthing info and a lot of relaxation training can never be a bad thing right? So far just listening to the relaxation exercises on the CD has been great. I've been sleeping better and thinking more positive already. (Admittedly this is partly because the CD puts me to sleep but for a previous insomniac that's pretty cool.)

Earlier I was trying to explain to Red Fish that she is going to have a little sister soon and we talked about babies. She just grinned at me and kept lifting up my shirt to look at my belly and poke it. She can't figure out why I keep saying there is a baby in there. It's hilarious. She likes the idea of a new baby but does not understand why my belly keeps getting bigger. She pokes it several times a day. Then Tonight I was collapsed on the couch and the baby was kicking up a storm. I called Two Fish in and he got to feel it for the first time. What a cool feeling. We just sat here grinning at each other. Hello "New Fish" you are really in there. We can really do this. It's real this time.