When One Door Closes

We were babysitting my nephew and the girls got into an argument and started crying.  When he saw me hugging both of the crying girls- Thing 1 burst into tears and wanted in on the hugs too.  So Two Fish took pictures of me trying to hold the three of them in my lap as we all hugged each other.  I have a lot of people to love.

 

In a few days our adoption file at LDS Family Services will expire.  It will be the first time in seven years that I'm not busy getting adoption paperwork done and frantically scrubbing my house for a home check.   There was a three month break in between Red Fish's finalization and when I started the paperwork again for approval before she turned one.  There was another break while I was pregnant with New Fish but we still had to keep our file updated during that time.  So it has been seven years of obsessing about profile pictures and checking the stats on our profile and website.  Seven years of thinking, wishing and hoping.  It was all worth it to have Red Fish join our family.  I don't regret a day of it.  I'm sad it's going to be over.

We aren't going to continue down this road anymore because it isn't working.  It's our decision and I feel like it's time to close this particular door but it is just so hard to actually do it.  I keep bursting into tears just thinking about it.  It has been a rough morning/mourning.  It isn't giving up on another baby yet.  It's just choosing some other options for now but I really hate the feeling of closing a door.  Sad and happy at the same time is a familiar emotion.

When I look around at my life, I am keenly aware of how lucky I am.  It's amazing to me that my Heavenly Father has trusted me with these two little girls.  I get to be their Mom.  I get to hold them and love them and care for them to the best of my abilities.  They have promised to stay my babies forever even if they insist on continuing to grow up at an insane speed.